We’ve all heard Shakespeare’s famous relationship advice. But is it really better to have “loved and lost” like Bill said all those centuries ago? The truth is that every breakup is different. If you’ve been through a few, you know that the heartache can range from momentary sadness to desperation.
Whether your relationship lasted a couple dates or a couple of decades, it can be hard to wrap your head around your feelings now that you’re apart. According to Tyler Jones, MD, chief medical officer at横幅行为健康医院，“'克服它的行为只需花费很长时间即可。”在他的职业生涯中，他提供了一些提示。
1.尊重你的悲伤。它是真实的。
与伴侣分开可以感觉像是家庭中的死亡。Grief是一个完全正常的反应。实际上，琼斯博士解释说，您的悲伤基于生物学。“失去关系与多巴胺的降低相关，多巴胺是大脑奖励系统所涉及的神经递质。当您在这个人身边时，您的大脑学会感到有益。”
朋友可能会得到巨大的支持，当您感到沮丧时，您应该依靠他们。但是，如果他们推动您的速度太快或让您感到内gui，说没有完全掌管您的权利。在他们的心痛期间，没有人应该感到羞耻，无论长期或短暂。琼斯博士甚至建议强迫自己“抢购它”可能与您的意图完全相反，从而延长了孤立感，并为自己设定了不公平的期望。
2.远离毒品和酒精
In times of heartache, it can be tempting to drown your sorrows. We’ve all heard the heart-heavy country songs. But before you pour that drink, Dr. Jones strongly warned against this behavior. Not just because of the obvious dangers associated with药物使用障碍，而且还因为它根本无法帮助您感觉更好。当您喝酒时，您会变得冲动，更有可能给前任打电话或发短信，谈论它们或对这种关系进行反思，或者最糟糕的是，这可能导致自残。琼斯博士指出：“这并不是说反思这是一件坏事，但是增加毒品或酒精只会使这种反思扭曲且难以理解。”与其寻找分心，不如欢迎这些积极反思的时刻，作为寻求清晰，正念和接受的机会。
3.边界不等于苦味
Especially if you’re setting them, boundaries may be perceived as cruelty by your former partner. It can be difficult to respect your own feelings enough to set them but setting proper boundaries can pay dividends in your ability to bounce back. Boundaries can include a lot of things, explained Dr. Jones. “They could include physical distance, limited contact, or even ‘rules of engagement’.”
这些参与规则对于离婚或分享孩子的人们尤其重要，在这种情况下，不可能完全切断联系。设定明确的期望您不会被大喊大叫，贬低或不尊重。在这些讨论中，很容易感到防御。有些人可能会欣赏预定的时间和对重要讨论的期望。如果您的前任仍然生气或不尊重您的界限，最好的选择可能是沉默。无论如何，界限的明确交流是情感成熟的标志，而不是苦涩。
4. Staying friends isn’t for everyone
保持朋友并不是友好的唯一方法。实际上，如果您想保持文明，分离可能至关重要。对于共享朋友组中的夫妻或谁share custody of children, that civility is even more important. Although “staying friends” may soften the blow of a breakup at first, many couples will find going back to being just friends too difficult. Even if your ex has an expectation of friendship, you may not feel comfortable with that. And that’s ok! Once again, setting clear boundaries will pave the way for a健康的关系if you choose to have one going forward.
5.关闭并非一次
If closure is the missing piece in your breakup journey, remember that it takes time and rarely happens all at once. In fact, Dr. Jones explained that closure may be a matter of varying degrees. In the early days post-breakup, it might be enough to just be free of the confrontation. With a little more time, you may see yourself growing in ways that you couldn’t in the relationship. In most cases, closure is a thing that happens over time and in phases. In every case, the validation of closure will come from within you and no one else. Focus on the present and take wisdom as it comes.
6. Don’t just “get over it,” grow from it
这需要一点耐心。实际上，直到您在后视镜中看到它，您的增长可能不会显而易见。琼斯博士评论说：“尽管可能很困难，这是一个实际上可以变得非常富有成效和愉快的时候。”“在关系之外的时间是成为您想要成为的人的机会。您希望伴侣爱上的人。”日记是发现的强大工具。
7.你不需要一个人挣扎
您无需在Defcon 1获得帮助。如果您正在挣扎和寻找答案，治疗师can help you navigate your feelings so that youcan找到那些成长和发展的机会。即使您觉得自己不在危机中，疗法也可能是个人发展和发现的强大工具。
Dr. Jones explained that many people may not recognize whensupportis needed. Pay attention to outward signs of struggle like poor work performance, declining relationships with friends and family, loss of appetite, difficulty concentrating, and abuse of substances like drugs and alcohol. If these signs continue for more than a week or two, it’s time to see your doctor or mental health professional. If at any point you consider self-harm,寻求帮助. Relief is closer than you think, even in your darkest moments.
Breakups arenot反思您的个人价值。关系是关于兼容性的。即使是您一生中最好的人，至少一次是通过艰难的分手。大概几次！赋予自己宽恕，成长和诚实的纬度。即使感觉很远，隧道的尽头也有光线。
阅读这些与关系和悲伤有关的其他文章。
