我们生活中有一些改变生活的时刻，例如高中毕业，接受您的第一份工作或找到龙虾（您的伴侣一生）。但是，最复杂的时刻之一是将新的婴儿或孩子带入您的婚姻或恋爱关系。
生育或收养婴儿是您生活中一个积极而美好的时期。作为一对夫妻，您希望，计划和/或进行更改以使您的梦想成为可能。
Now that baby is here, life is great, but what happened to those loving feelings you once had for one another or the bundle of joy in your arms? Before having kids, you hardly ever fought, now it is taking all your strength not to blow your lid at your partner. What gives?
“Children bring a lot of joy into a relationship, but they can also bring a lot of stress,” said Kristine Goto, PhD, a psychologist with横幅 - 大学医学中心凤凰城。“您曾经与伴侣在一起的时间（一个人！）必须与其他人共享。对于两个伴侣来说，一个新婴儿可以带来许多情绪和新挑战。”
New baby and the green-eyed monster
也许您发现很难适应父母身份。当您羡慕地看着伴侣无缝地过渡时，您正在努力照顾新生儿。您不满意他们可以与新生儿一起逃脱生活的单调。
Or maybe your partner complains they feel ignored or left out of the caregiving process. They’re jealous of all the time you have with the baby, when you barely give them an ounce of attention.
Between hormones, exhaustion and fragmented conversation, the first child can spark feelings of resentment, insecurity and even jealousy.
“A lot of things bubble up to the surface when you’re exhausted and emotionally depleted while focusing all of your efforts on caring for a new baby,” Dr. Goto said. “If you already have fears of rejection or abandonment, it may be triggering and upsetting to see how much attention your partner showers on your new child.”
You might ask yourself, “How could I be jealous of my own baby?” As crazy as this might sound or as embarrassing as it may be to admit, jealousy and other emotions aren’t uncommon for either parent to experience.
Research shows that partners who展示关系焦虑的迹象在他们的第一个孩子到达之前，婴儿回家后更有可能嫉妒孩子。
“Although the traditional belief is that, given biological role responsibilities, fathers may be most vulnerable to having feelings of jealousy, these feelings are experienced equally amongst parents, whether you’re in a heterosexual, same-sex or different-sex relationship,” Dr. Goto said.
Tips for navigating jealousy and other emotions
对家庭中的任何人来说，保持负面情绪或愤怒地猛烈抨击并不健康，需要得到认可和管理。如果您不解决这些问题，这些感觉会侵蚀您的关系并影响宝宝的健康和福祉。
实际上，生孩子后about 67% of couplessuffer a decline in relationship satisfaction, and this can have a long-term, negative impact on their children’s mental health.
Fortunately, taming the green-eyed monster is doable. Dr. Goto shared these tips to help both you and your partner find stable footing as you embark on this special journey with your new little bundle of joy.
Check in with your own emotions
Goto博士说：“通过这些感受进行的关键是对自己和嫉妒可能造成的勇气评估。”
- Think about your upbringing and what you might be bringing into the relationship. Get to知道你的依恋and parenting style. What do you want to carry forward and what do you not want to recreate in this relationship?
- Acknowledge your fears and anxieties and how they drive some of your reactions, habits and patterns.
- 考虑一下您的不安全感如何损害自己和关系。如果需要，请与治疗师一起制定新的应对策略。
Communicate with one another
“Couples need to be able to communicate with one another – even if it’s 10 minutes a night,” Dr. Goto said. “Take the time to check in and talk about your day and reconnect with one another.”
抵制拿起房屋或检查电子邮件的冲动。为您和您的伴侣做这10分钟的神圣时间。
- Hold hands and just talk about where you are emotionally and physically.
- Talk about things that are fun or hard about the baby.
- Remember fun things you’ve done together and what things you’re excited about in the future.
“That little piece of shared partner time is a thread to keep you on the same team,” Dr. Goto said.
避免尝试“修复”任何东西
对您的感受保持开放和诚实很重要。同样，您的伴侣需要相同的支持。确认您的伴侣在不尝试“修复”它的情况下告诉您什么。
“It’s a big act of love to accept and listen to your partner,” Dr. Goto said. “Really listen and don’t try to minimize their feelings.”
表达感激之情instead of keeping score
而不是保持计数在您的伴侣所做或不做的所有事情中，告诉您的伴侣您有多爱和欣赏他们。如果这不是自然而然的，请在手机上保留笔记本或记事本，以记下您注意到伴侣一整天所做的小事情。在白天设定一段时间来振奋精神。
Goto博士说：“我们必须加强积极的行动，而不是互相惩罚。”“像感谢您的伴侣做某事或让他们知道您忘了做某事时的简单性，当您忘了做某事时他们还可以，这会使您彼此之间更加接近。”
鼓励团队合作
用一个新的婴儿在家里,一位家长很容易to take on more than their fair share.Research shows, however, that when couples approach problems together as a team, they are more likely to avoid marital issues after having kids.
以对您的家庭有意义的方式进行重新分配任务，护理和家务。期望一位父母承担所有责任是不现实的。
接受此调整很困难
尽管您可能对自己或伴侣抱有期望，或者您的期望是什么see on social media, accept that parenthood isn’t perfect.
“Parenting can be messy and tough,” Dr. Goto said. “There’s no parenting book that will have all the answers, either. No one does this perfectly, but you can adapt and learn to do it in a way that is best for your family.”
如果您仍在努力调整，vwin.comac德赢官方首页 ，获得许可行为健康专家或新的父母支持小组。这些是安全的空间，让您变得脆弱，并且知道您并不是唯一一个经历这一问题的人。
带走
生一个孩子改变了生活，因此自然而然地发生冲突是很自然的。当情绪很高时，请花时间讨论它们。早日解决问题。这不仅将使您和您的伴侣受益，而且会使您的孩子受益。请记住，您是一支团队 - 您在一起。
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