For many couples wanting to have children, the process of getting pregnant seems simple enough. Do the deed around the time of ovulation, and瞧！conception. Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. Despite what you may have been told in your sex ed class growing up, getting pregnant and even staying pregnant can be a struggle and invoke a myriad of emotions.
For couple Jenny and Bryan, their decision to have children started like many others. But after two years with no success, they went through fertility testing to find out there were “unknown reasons” for their inability to conceive. They underwent six rounds of IUI, a year-long emotional rollercoaster that Jenny said was grueling and all-consuming. After no success, Jenny and Bryan made the difficult decision to forgo any further treatment options.
詹妮回忆说：“即使我们已经讨论了我们要走多远以及我们想考虑的选择，但仍然存在如此巨大的损失感。”“我们想象的失去了未来 - 将我们的孩子带到迪士尼，看着他们长大。现在这不会发生。值得庆幸的是，我们的婚姻很牢固，我们拥有强大的支持系统，帮助我们度过了这一悲伤过程。”
The harsh reality about infertility and pregnancy loss
不幸的是，像珍妮和布莱恩这样的夫妇并不孤单。
“Of all pregnancies, between 15% to 25% end in miscarriage, many in the first 12 weeks,” saidPooja Shah, MD, an OBGYN with横幅Health Centerin Chandler, AZ. “And 10% to 15% of couples can’t achieve pregnancy within the first year of trying.”
Infertility and pregnancy loss can be surprising, heartbreaking, isolating and even embarrassing. It’s a difficult journey, but it doesn’t have to be a solitary one.
对于那些认识某人或一对夫妇经历不孕困境的人来说，有时可能会感到困惑，以了解您应该如何反应，支持和在那里为他们。
How to support a friend or loved one
尽管没有关于如何通过不育和怀孕丧失来支持朋友或亲人的剧本，但仍有一些一般指南可以提供帮助。Jenny，Shah博士和Srinivas Dannaram医学博士，一名精神科医生横幅Thunderbird Medical Center在亚利桑那州格伦代尔（Glendale），分享有关通过不孕症支持朋友时该怎么做和不做的技巧。
What Not to Do and Say
1.远离规定性（未经请求的）建议。
Unless otherwise requested, resist the urge to provide advice or a prescription for next steps.
“Chances are that whoever has gone through this has tried everything under the sun—everything they want to try—so unsolicited advice isn’t helpful, even if it’s well-meaning,” Jenny said. “We had people in our lives who acted like we didn’t understand how babies were made because it was so easy for them.”
For example, avoid comments and questions such as these:
- “Why don’t you adopt?”收养可能在桌上，但这不是一个简单的过程或所有人可用的过程。它也没有消除他们目前正在经历的痛苦。
- “Have you considered IVF?”许多保险计划不涵盖IVF，因此对于某些人来说可能会过高。IVF也不能100％保证婴儿。
- “Maybe stopping/doing XYZ will improve your chances?”不要责备是因为他们失去了婴儿或无法怀孕。怀孕无法正常工作。他们所做的任何事情都不太可能引起他们的不育问题。
2. Don’t ask about the cause(s) for the miscarriage or the reason for their infertility.
Dannaram博士说：“询问损失的原因可能会引发负面情绪反应，例如内gui，并消除支持性和善解人意的语气。”“不育的原因可能太个人化（有时涉及伴侣），可能不会设定善解人意的基调。”
3.不要假装它没有发生。
怀孕丧失和不育并不容易对话，这可能会导致您完全避免该主题。但是，完全忽略房间里的大象会使某人觉得自己不敏感或支持。
4.避免询问他们是否怀孕。
您可能会很好奇，但是从技术上讲，这与您无关。怀孕并保持怀孕对他们来说已经是头等大事，因此不需要不断提醒或问他们。当发生时，他们将在准备好时分享。
5. Stop speaking on the universe’s behalf.
No, their miscarriage or infertility wasn’t God’s plan or meant to be. Comments like these aren’t helpful—they’re hurtful. They imply your friend is not only infertile but that they also don’t deserve it or are being punished somehow.
做什么和说什么
1.跟随他们的领导。
所以me friends may be very vocal about their experience in public and on social media, while others prefer to keep things tight-lipped and handle within their close family unit.
“It’s important to know what’s OK and not OK for that couple,” Dr. Shah said. “Some couples are fine discussing; they’ve digested the information and feel comfortable talking about it. Whereas others may still be struggling emotionally to accept their loss. They may need more time to be in a better place to talk about it.”
2. Do listen and let them know you care.
不育和怀孕丧失可能是非常孤立的。对于某些人来说，他们可能会撤退一点。对于其他人，他们可能想谈论它。让您的朋友知道您在那里为他们，您关心他们。如果他们确实开放，请听 - 不要撬开或发表意愿。让他们发泄并感受到他们需要的感觉。
“凭借不孕症，这完全是我们无法控制的，因此我们赞赏的朋友和家人，让我们分享我们的现实，并只是倾听并说：‘我知道这必须很难。我爱你，我在这里为你服务，”珍妮说。
3.提供正常或分心的来源。
“Oftentimes when women go through infertility treatments that becomes so much of what they do and who they are at that time,” Dr. Shah said. “They don’t want to be asked questions. They want to go to work, go out to dinner with friends and not think about what they are obsessing about at home.”
Take your friend out to a movie, for a pedicure or just out for a coffee. But be understanding if your friend or loved one turns down the invitation. They may not be ready.
4. Do your own research.
Save your curious questions for Google. Read up about infertility and pregnancy loss, so you can better understand what they are going through. The美国心理协会and theNational Infertility Association是一个好地方。
5.要耐心并尊重他们的隐私。
每个人（和夫妻）经历不孕症和怀孕损失的旅程是不同的和独特的。保持耐心和理解，并继续在那里支持他们。
,尊重他们的隐私。如果你的朋友或loved one confides in you about their challenges, don’t spread the news with others—even if those people are family.
“When people share these experiences, they are sharing with close friends to seek reassurance and support based on the quality of relationship they have,” Dr. Dannaram said. “Unless they’ve asked you to share with us, keeping news confidential is a supportive approach that lets them recover from grief and stress.”
Final word
Being there for your friend during this time is something they’ll appreciate more than you’ll ever know. Whether they are having difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant, being there with open hearts and open ears will strengthen your relationship and help them navigate this arduous journey.
珍妮说：“花费了几年的时间来处理和处理悲伤的阶段，但今天我们感觉非常好。”“我们在帮助我们解决这个问题方面拥有如此多的爱与支持。当我们自己没有孩子的时候，我们的生活中有一个侄女和侄子和朋友的孩子，我们会破坏。更不用说三只可爱的狗让我们忙碌。我们今天处在一个好地方，满足。”
Related Articles:
- 怀孕之路的常见生育测试
- How to Practice Healthy Self-Love
- Myths and Facts About Miscarriages Explained
- 您需要了解植入出血的知识
